My daughter was 15 1/2 months old at the time of her adoption.
She had been in foster care since she was 1 month old. Though
very physically delayed at the time of adoption, she was saying
a few words of Chinese. She was alert, animated, vibrant, busy,
engaging and related.
At first she seemed to adapt remarkably quickly and focused intently
on learning English. However, within a few months, she began to
withdraw from the world. She stopped babbling and imitating. She
no longer acknowledged understanding English, although occasionally
she would give herself away. It became clear she understood a
lot but didn't want anyone to know. Her vocabulary diminished
to a single word: "bye, bye." Her play became disorganized,
repetitive and ritualistic. She didn't acknowledge my coming and
going. When I went to work she would get very busy and act like
she didn't care. Sleep became a problem. She forced herself to
stay awake at night, often falling asleep sitting up, or she would
wake screaming in the middle of the night and be very hard to
calm.
She started strangling and hitting her stuffed animals - mainly
her favorites. She played "abandonment" games. For example,
when walking with her doll stroller and bear, she would suddenly
vehemently throw the bear out of the stroller and walk away. I
would cry for the bear, begging to be taken back. Sometimes she
would relent and pick him up, only to throw him out again a few
steps further on.
I had enrolleded her in Early Intervention shortly after our return.
She qualified for occupational, physical and speech therapy. The
therapists, who had initially been pleased with her progress,
now suggested that she had PDD, an autistic spectrum disorder.
I consulted with more professionals who also supported that diagnosis.
Because I am a social worker specializing in trauma I found this
difficult to accept. But, when I suggested that her symptoms might
be emotionally/trauma based, they invariably responded as though
I were in denial, unable to accept my child's condition.
With each consultation, I became more depressed. I began reading.
In the process I looked through my old FCC newsletters and found
Nancy D'Antonio's article on Holding Time. I connected with it
immediately. At first I hesitated to call Nancy, fearing that
it might not have made a difference in her daughter's behavior.
Finally, I called, and we began going to the Mothering Center
with her. When I met Nancy's daughter, I was both relieved and
impressed that she was articulate, well-behaved and very connected
to her mother. Nothing like the little girl described in Nancy's
article. I began to have hope.
Although I will never know for sure what lay behind my daughter's
withdrawal, I believe that she was traumatized by the fact that
her whole world in China had suddenly disappeared. As she began
to attach to me, she became terrified that it might happen again.
She could not count on the stability of her world or the people
in it, and withdrew to protect herself from further hurt.
Now, 2 years later at age 4, the autistic-like symptoms have faded
to reveal an affectionate, social and vibrant child who is very
connected to the world and people around her. She talks nonstop.
While she still has some difficulty with emotional regulation
and is still healing from her early traumas, it is clear that
she is well on the road to recovery. I am grateful for having
found the right treatment at such an early age. I know from my
work with traumatized adults, that healing is much easier the
sooner it is begun.
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